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Why Earth is a startup and God CEO

Meet God. A gifted planetpreneur with a mission: disrupting the planet industry.

This is part one of a startup fairytale trilogy.

For billions of years the planet industry has been the same. Creating them was done by molding them round, splashing some colour to them or setting them on fire. It was getting old. It seemed to God that planets are not being used to their full potential. It was time for a new kind of planet. Time for radical innovation.

The idea? Something playful and inspiring. A garden of Eden. Working title: Earth.

God wasn’t sure yet what Earth should look like exactly, but He would just design the planet as He went. He would start the creation process first thing Monday morning.

Planet accelerator

God signed up to be part of an intense, week long planet accelerator. While it would normally take billions of years to build up a planet like Earth, the aim was to create a MVP and launch it to market in seven days.

Day one. Monday, 6am. Not God’s favorite time to get up. But hey, after a bulletproof coffee everyone is ready to go. His canvas for Earth was a completely black planet. Time to lighten things up. God started typing: <separate> light and darkness </s>. Day and night were created. Enough work for one day.

It would go like this for four days. Every day God would be typing and shaping Earth as He went. Creating oceans, dry land, making the moon and the stars visible, having creatures appear on land and in the water. God was on a roll!

Early adopters

It was on day six that God got Earth’s first two early adopters. Adam and Eve. A couple that would walk around targeting low hanging fruit and use their Apple to gain knowledge about Earth and about what’s right or wrong.

After an intense day of bringing in more folks, God realized how tired He was. He had pulled it off. He created Earth in seven days! Or actually six. God decided that six days of work were enough. Sundays were for beer and pizza – even talented planetpreneurs need time to chill.

After a day of limitless triple cheese pizza’s and a couple to many beers, there was demo day. A universe full of VC’s to pitch to. God created a fierce deck and was able to inspire a handful of investors. After presenting his term sheet during coffee meetings, He was able to onboard three angels and sign binding contracts. With this new group of people they determined Earth’s strategy.

Earth’s strategy

Earth was a life-as-a-service startup. God used referral marketing to grow its user base, with Adam and Eve as the influencers. They, and every other new human being, would automatically sign up for usage of Earth. Subscriptions would go for 0 – 120 years and received the catchy name ‘lives’.

At this stage, ‘lives’ were free of economical charge and were gained through sweat equity. All members became shareholders. The value proposition? ‘An un-heavenly experience in paradise’.

USPs of Earth were autonomic growth and circular ecosystems. The plan was to monetize on these elements in the future, but like with every true startup, the business model of Earth was not clear just yet and had yet to be determined.

Sexy growth hacking

In the first quarter (everything from B.C. up until the year 1800) Earth quickly grew its user base through growth hacking. God had created an experimental tool for user expansion. Sex. After thoughtful analysis this turned out to be the ultimate way for scaling up quickly.

Humans seemed to adopt this tool without any hesitations, and especially after a marketing campaign by award winning agency Church to ‘always use this tool for the purpose of recreation’, the number of live subscriptions exploded.

When in 1800, Earth already counted one billion subscribers, and the forecast for coming years was absolutely mind-blowing. Expected was that user base would grow to two billion in 1927, four billion in 1974, six billion in 1999, and the earthshaking number of 10 billion users in 2100.


God had expected Earth to become a succes, but already having one billion users at this early stage was a surprise even for Him. He began to wonder: would pleasure and fun increase evenly with the number of users? How many billion users would be the maximum for Earth? And how the heck would He monetize his planet?

Will God’s bleeding edge planet technology benefit Earth and can He monetize its first-mover advantage? Soon you will find out, in the second quarter of startup Earth.

Photo by Pieter van Marion (creative commons via Flickr)

Manon Monhemius
  1. jan willem says:

    Prachtig stuk Manon! – jan willem

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